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Mother Tongue Rant

Sure sometimes I'm thinking Folks are mostly thinking How on earth to survive/on earth to survive. Folks are sometimes thinking Do you think this will all go away somewhere? And just thinking about that, about keeping some kind of record, about falling into everything all at once, into nothing. But to think of that certain tone of boredom that has seemed to have prevailed over the brutality, over the extreme fear and execution of death, that yellow boredom that's dropped in every mailbox thrice a day. And also thinking I just wanna go I just wanna leave/all of this alone/or just stay but not touch it or just touch it but not change it nor corrupt it. And I'm thinking None of us really knows what the rest are thinking but maybe that's just a way of clinging on to just assume that you know or that you could know if you wanted to know.

America is like she thinks she has owned the right to use that big word & be OK about it, and maybe she just has. She's like Pick a side, Own America/Own the World, or else Save America/Save the World, because America & the World are pronounced the same, just spelled different but also she has realized that one line is easy to cross but two lines with you in the middle takes longer to think about and decide.

And then one day she might ask you OK I can see you've been to Cuzco but have you been to COSTCO? Sure the Inca trail is holy but have you been to WHOLEFOODS have you hiked the aisles of WALMART? Machu Picchu is nothing, tell me, what exactly do you know about MENARDS? These are the things one should ponder on and study she thinks (America) when thinking about the mysteries of life and existence because, to be honest, why take the trouble thinking about free will if you can get ten of 'em on a REALLY GOOD sale at COSTCO? It's like there's so many bargains out there it's hard to sit around too long without needing something and it would be fine by me if I could just need it without touching it or changing it or corrupting it. But then she will tell you (America) go on along to COSTCO & tell me if these people are touching or changing or corrupting anything, because they're not. Go on along to COSTCO & tell me if they don't know what they're doing, if they don't know that this is an endless supply not to be dealt with seriously, an idea that can't be touched or changed or corrupted because Look at them, do they not know that that aisle of toilet paper will be the same before and after their brief encounter, ever-green ever-flowing? You may say you can't bathe twice in the same river but they will say Oh yes you can, & I can show you how.

And even when dodging a hobo on the street she is thinking (America) They'll come around sooner or later, they need most of this shit anyways & they are thinking it's True that we need it but can't we need it & not touch it nor change it nor corrupt it but maybe that's not what they're thinking at all maybe I'm just clinging, trying to hold on to whatever I don't want to touch I just want to have close to me. But I have been to COSTCO, America has told me go on along to COSTCO & I did. And once I was there all I wanted to do was touch everything maybe even change everything maybe if I'm lucky I'll just corrupt the fuck out of everything maybe even thinking I will never need this & she just looked at me & stared at me & patronized me (America) & she was thinking You'll come around sooner or later, you need most of this shit anyways, but I could tell it wasn't the way she says it to the hobos because hobos are easily spotted out in a crowd and I'm not one of 'em. He's not one of 'em, America would say, maybe even a little spiteful. She's like Go on along to COSTCO you beatnik, we have some books there, we have some costumes there, Allen Ginsberg is dead she America says & I'm thinking she's right, I wonder if Allen Ginsberg went away somewhere I wonder if I'll find Allen Ginsberg in COSTCO or if I'll find COSTCO in Allen Ginsberg, this America shit is so complex even holy America even the sound of that big big word some people use for support & others for illumination & others just plain use it, this is some complex America shit. But lately I've come to thinking and lately I've come to thinking that maybe on a Sunday night we should just stack all those cars on top of that one car, all those cars parked up and down the block just stack 'em up together so when people wake up tomorrow they'll be like Where's my car? And then they'll be like Where the fuck are all the cars? And then they'll be like OH.. And then we will tell everyone, we will just stand on top of all the cars on that foggy Monday morning and tell everyone that it was us who touched it and changed it and corrupted it but we were forced to do it, it was America that told us Pick a side/you have to pick a side/must pick a side/ it was she who told us to do it so we just went along and did it.

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COSTCO Vanitas

Calavera: Do you think this will all go away somewhere?

Monje budista: "Empty-handed I go, and behold the spade is in my hands. I walk on foot, and yet on the back of an ox I am riding; When I pass over a bridge, Lo, the water floweth not, but the bridge doth flow."